Overdue

I really don't know where to begin. That thought, until recently taking the shape of a large, unmovable obstacle to my writing, is as of today, pushed aside. Its been too long. Too long for me, too long for my children, and too long for my heart since I last wrote. Today I recommit myself, not fooling myself into thinking that this will be the last time I do this in this lifetime, to writing. To sharing with whomever wants them, my thoughts, queries, foibles, efforts, feelings, and experiences about life as it is today. Therefore, I suppose, a good place to begin, is indeed, today.

Today, as I write, I am nestled in a room, at a desk, between my napping children. One toddler of a terror at 2 years and three days old, and one sweet as honey infant checking in at 4 months. They sleep, and perhaps it is that I am occupying the heavenly space between their sleeping selves that I am able to take the space to write. I've missed this, as I miss them (sometimes) when they sleep. My writing self is a bit like that, she's been sleeping. But its time to wake her, there are things to say.

We passed a blissful weekend celebrating here in our house. Celebrating the birth two years ago of this magical laughing toddler. I cannot believe that much, or little depending on the day, time has passed. Yet, here we are. Two years older, and if we are really lucky, wiser. He certainly has schooled his humbled Mama in a topic or two in the last two years. Just a glimpse of my education yet to come, I suppose. Blessed beyond measure we are for his choosing us as his family. So so so much fun.

I found myself smiling to the point of cheeks cramping, heart bursting, these last days with my family and friends here. I've not been able to get my head around the reality that this is my life, right now, happening before me. I seem to find myself having numerous conversations with myself about how different things will be when we get "there" or reach some yet to be determined mystical date. Well, guess what, life is happening, right now, my life is happening. I cannot allow myself to make any further excuses for things I can put off until life is more comfortable, more pliable, more willing.

It is today, and today is it. Life is here, so here I go. No more excuses about when I will write, when I will love better, when I can be more true. Today is it. And with this realization, I offer a gush of gratitude. Gratitude to my parents and my husband's parents who without your grace and attention our lives would lack the space we find here these days. Thanks to my children who smile, smile, and smile more; hearts filled to capacity and then more. Thanks to my husband who has the capacity to heal so many and has taken a year to focus on his own family. Thanks for new friends, and old, who keep me laughing and learning as we grow older. Thanks to the heat for leaving us, and for the grace found in cooler days and nights. Sigh, thank you.

Overdue, these thanks are overdue. This writing is overdue, these efforts. Overdue. And with that, I hope to be back here again before another year+ passes to find my own words, clarity, and purpose renewed. Too too long overdue.