Being at war with myself

Today I start a 40 day nap-a-thon. Gluttonous, selfish, entitled, privileged, and guilty. Those were the first thoughts that came to mind when I considered signing up for this. That I haven't yet told Adam that I've done this indicates the level to which I am not ok with how I am at least half-assedly committing to making this time for and with myself. For 40 days I will lie down, sit down, quietly, and commune with my body in a positive way for 30 minutes. My goal: to regain a positive relationship with my body. To learn to love my physical self again.

Yoga Nidra. Nap yoga. A practice when one sits quietly, and listens to one's body. Where it is quiet, where it is loud. Where it is heavy, where it is light. Where a body is bright, where it is dull. Where it is musical, where it is not.

I have been pregnant or nursing for over three years straight now and my body, mind, and soul are tired. Its the best kind of tired, but I am tired. I want to loose the weight, physically, from these pregnancies. I want to regain the physical strength I lost from the two surgeries. I want to regain the faith I had in my body to endure, to recover, to bare burdens with grace. I've lost this in these last three years. I am not physically the person I want to be.

Here I go, feel free to join me. Don't judge me harsly, please. I am doing this for me, for my kids, for my husband, for my work. We will all be better off in 40 days, I am hopeful.

Stay tuned~